Circles Baffle Boffins
by Bobby Grogan in Wiltshire
Scientists and follicologists all over the country are baffled by an outbreak of alien hair circles on the legs of unsuspecting Wiltshire men. In the seventh case of this kind since February, Colin Whiston from Swindon woke one morning to discover that aliens had made strange patterns in the hairs of his leg while he was asleep.
"You read about this sort of thing in the papers, but I never would have thought it could happen to me", said Mr Whiston, 27.
Up to the beginning of this year there had been only one other report of the phenomenon and that was back in the 1930's in Scotland when Hamish McHamish found that alien spacemen had tied knots in the hairs just below his left knee.
Now leading follicologist Felicity Forcett-Ffubes of University College Finchurch says that this is a significant development for our alien visitors. Speaking on the BBC Radio 4 'Today' programme, Ms Forcett-Ffubes, 37, said, "It was only a matter of time before the aliens moved on from cornfields and tried a more personal approach. There is no doubt in my mind that they are trying desperately to communicate with us".
Peter Kermode from the British Association of Alien Investigation and Communications Bureau, told Is This Proof? that his organisation had been monitoring the reports closely and were working alongside some of the world's most prominent ufologists and researchers.
But already the sceptics have been out debunking the stories. Matthew Clarkson from Pah! magazine told us, "I have a number of statements from leading medical doctors saying that these strange patterns in the hair are nothing more than the normal growth cycle of the hairs on a leg. You can see similar patterns on cats and dogs."
No one from the Prime Minister's office was available for comment, thus fuelling speculation that the Government have been storing amputated legs in a shed in Runcorn.
Since this story went to press we have learned that Peter Kermode is now following up an unconfirmed case of alien hair circles on a leg in Hartlepool.